Decipher the mystery of code charts

Code Your Destiny

Code Your Destiny

With The Ultimate Horoscope

Get daily personalized astrological readings and predictions tailored specifically for techbros like you!
Embrace Innovation

Unlike any tool you used before

Discover a new level of analysis with our innovative and AI powered platform. Transform your astrological needs with actionable insights.

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    Get personalized astrological readings and predictions tailored to your zodiac sign, taking into account your coding habits, project deadlines, and coffee breaks.
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    Discover how to recognize (and mock) the most egregious Agile methodology abuses in your company.
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    No more wondering why your code reviewer is still stuck on syntax, or why agile methodology is just a fancy word for "more meetings"
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Make Astro-Driven Decisions

Gain insight into compensation packages

(aka The Real Reason We're Here). Join the ranks of techbros who know their code reviews are about to get a whole lot better (or worse).

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    Stay ahead of potential problems and improve your promotion packet.
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    Predictions for code reviews, meetings, and deadlines that'll make you laugh, cry, or scream in frustration (depending on the day)
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    Code-snippets-turned-astrological-signs: because who needs syntax highlighting when you have planetary alignments?
Find Your Perfect Fit

Subscriptions for the ultimate horoscope

Select the plan that suits your needs and profit from it.

Daily Standup

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Access to

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    Daily horoscopes delivered before your standup.
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    Tailored to your zodiac sign's quirks and flaws.

Lead Code Reviewer

$99.9
/ month

Enjoy all in Daily Standup plus

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    Predictions for code reviews, meetings, and deadlines.
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    Strategies for surviving another mind-numbing all-hands meeting
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    Exclusive content on corporate incompetence, Agile methodology critique, and code review pitfalls

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$9999
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All features and more

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    Advanced predictive analytics
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    SSO tax optimization
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    Personalized recommendations
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    999.9999999999% SLA
Testimonials
People like you love TechBroHoroscope
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"Finally, a horoscope that understands the struggles of debugging in production! My stars are aligned for success!"
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CEO, CTO, CFO, CIO and Founder of abc.ai
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"Thanks to TechBroHoroscope, I landed my dream job at a unicorn startup! Turns out, Mercury Retrograde was on my side."
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Jane S.
AiMlDevSecOps Engineer at Z
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"The project predictions helped us identify potential roadblocks and allocate resources more effectively. Highly recommend!"
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Joe W.
Senior Principal Staff Project Manager VP at xyz.ai
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"TechBroHoroscope saved me from another pointless code review meeting. Now I just get the daily horoscope and ignore the team leads."
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Jake Z.
Software Engineer 1 at abc.ai

Because you are unsure and we have answers

Frequently Asked Questions

What makes TechBroHoroscope different from other astrology services?

We're the only service that combines personalized tech astrology with critiques of corporate culture and programming best practices. It's like having your own personal therapist, but without the couch.

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Can I get a refund if I don't like my horoscope?

No refunds. We're not responsible for any existential crises caused by reading our horoscopes.

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What's the tech stack behind TechBroHoroscope?

Our proprietary functional algorithm combines astrological insights with blazingly fast machine learning to provide personalized recommendations for techbros.

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Is this a joke? (No, seriously, is it?)

Unfortunately, yes and no. This is a humorous take on horoscopes for techbros. There are new daily horoscope readings available on this website as well as via the newsletter. Only your personalized reading will bring you closer to the truth.

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